I was never going to have kids..

             Ask anyone who knows me well, and they'll tell you I've always been very vocally against having children.  I guess I was just not ready or hadn't met the right man yet. Jake on the other hand always thought someday he'd have kids, but it wasn't a priority. (and he knew where I stood on the subject and that I hated talking about it)  Sometime during 2011 (Jake and I have been married 3 years now) Jake and I were driving home from Arizona after visiting my brother and sister-in-law.  I remember having a long conversation with Alyssa before we left, about kids and why I didn't want them.  I don't remember the exact words, but somehow she got me thinking about children, and how they didn't have to be like any other children I knew. Something about how we could raise them with our own values and..... rules I guess, and that no parents are perfect, and the human race has managed to survive this. :)  Someone walked into the room and our conversation came to an abrupt end.  But this got me thinking about why I was really so against having kids.  What was it that scared/terrified me about the idea of having kids?  I still had a lot to think about and consider, but on the drive home out of the blue I said something like, "um...okay, I guess I might be okay with having kids someday."  Jake was shocked, caught off guard,  and to be honest it was a very awkward conversation at first.  This was pretty much the only thing that was "taboo" with us.  So that conversation lasted all of 4 seconds, his reply was "... okay.."
            That was how it the topic was left for months.  Then a couple that we are close friends with had a barbecue and we ended up staying and playing games till late that night. They have kids and manage to still be sane, social, not overbearing,  not worry wart parents.  How they handled their kids got me thinking about it again.  On the drive home, I decided to bring up the topic.  Again, it was awkward at first.  after a few long silent pauses in the conversation. Jake asked about school and if I would be giving up on my dream of being a RN.  I said something to the effect of, " well, I go to college with lots of moms, and somehow they manage.  If they can do it, I'm sure I can too."  Another long silent pause followed by Jake saying, "well okay then... lets have a baby!"